Are you a serial killer?
You live in a trendy part of town, you’re happily married and life is good. Sure, you fractured a couple of laws in the past but today everything is above board and you’re a model citizen.
Or are you? Are they harmless quirks or do you have a killer instinct?
Find out with the Execution of the Day ridiculous John Christie ‘tribute’ questionnaire.
1. You want to spice up your love life, do you:
A. try a ‘toy’?
B. strangle your partner mid-session? (See Christie’s first victim: 21-year-old bit on the side, Ruth Fuerst, 1943.)
2. Your neighbour suffers from bronchitis, do you:
A: recommend they see a GP, or at least a chemist?
B: stop the problem altogether by knocking them out with a noxious mix of carbon monoxide scented with friars’ balsam, followed by a killer dose of strangulation during sex? (See Christie’s second victim: 32-year-old neighbour Mrs Muriel Eady, 1944.)
3. You’ve taken a shine to your lodger’s pregnant missus. Do you:
A: think it’s best they move out, so look to terminate the contract quickly and painlessly?
B: incapacitate her then strangle her to death during an enforced sex session? (See Christie’s third victim: 20-year-old upstair-neighbour Mrs Beryl Evans, 1949.)
4. You’ve been left holding the lodger’s baby. Do you:
A: help the bereaved father out by offering to find a loving home for the child?
B: dispose of the child so it is never seen or heard of again? (See Christie’s fourth victim: approximately 12-months-old Geraldine Evans, 1949.)
5. Meanwhile, your loved one is having a febrile fit, following a fully-blown overdose, do you:
A. call an ambulance and help look after them until they’re fully better?
B. secure a stocking tightly round their neck to put them out of their misery (and yours)? (See Christie’s fifth victim: 54-year-old wife, Mrs Ethel Christie, 1952.)
5a. When the love of your life kicks the bucket, do you:
A. call an ambulance, the police, an undertaker etc and arrange a lovely send-off surrounded by friends?
B. leave them to fester for three days in the marital bed until you’ve had a think, then unceremoniously fling them under the floorboards in the front room? (See Christie’s fifth victim again: Mrs Ethel Christie, 1952.)
6. When indulging with a prostitute to help fill the void, do you:
A. thank them when you’ve done the deed, pay and leave?
B. strangle them with a stocking while you’re getting your end away, to avoid stumping up the cash? (See Christie’s sixth, seventh and eighth victims: pregnant, 25-year-old Rita Wilson plus 26-year-old Kathleen Maloney and Hectorina McLennan, 1953.)
So how did you do?
Phew! You’re just about normal.
Hold on, isn’t your name John Reginald Halliday Christie and weren’t you hanged in 1953?
Thirsty for more? Read the full gruesome tale of John Reginald Halliday Christie.